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A Girl Genius Nursery Story

"Once upon a time there were Three Bears, who lived together in a house of their own, in a wood. One of them was a Little, Small Wee Bear; and one was a Middle-sized Bear, and the other was a Great, Huge Bear. They had each a pot for their porridge, a little pot for the Little, Small, Wee Bear; and a middle-sized pot for the Middle Bear, and a great pot for the Great, Huge Bear. And they had each a chair to sit in; a little chair for the Little, Small, Wee Bear; and a middle-sized chair for the Middle Bear; and a great chair for the Great, Huge Bear. And they had each a bed to sleep in; a little bed for the Little, Small, Wee Bear; and a middle-sized bed for the Middle Bear; and a great bed for the Great, Huge Bear."


This story is probably familiar to you. Undoubtedly, when you were a wee one, some loving grown up person read this story to you at bedtime. The thrice telling of each step of the story is soothing, but cannot completely hide the underlying illogic. If you were a very bright little child, as you no doubt were, your mind may have balked at certain turns of events. Was it the talking bears? Housebreaking strangers who fall asleep in mid-crime? The indeterminate ending?

Come back in time with me and listen to what these bright wee things thought of it...


"One day, after they had made the porridge for their breakfast, and poured it into their porridge-pots, they walked out into the wood while the porridge was cooling, that they might not burn their mouths, by beginning too soon to eat it. "


tarvek

Tarvek: Wait, what? They just walked away? Weren't they afraid someone would poison the porridge?

And while they were walking, a little girl named Goldilocks came to the house. She could not have been a good, honest little girl; for first she looked in at the window, and then she peeped in at the keyhole; and seeing nobody in the house, she lifted the latch. The door was not fastened, because the Bears were good Bears, who did nobody any harm, and never suspected that anybody would harm them. So the little little girl opened the door, and went in; and well pleased she was when she saw the porridge on the table. If she had been a good little little girl, she would have waited till the Bears came home, and then, perhaps, they would have asked her to breakfast; for they were good Bears—a little rough or so, as the manner of Bears is, but for all that very good-natured and hospitable. But she was an impudent, bad little girl, and set about helping herself."

lu

Lucrezia: "Wait, what? They walked away leaving the door unlocked --- and they didn't set any traps???"

So first she tasted the porridge of the Great, Huge Bear, and that was too hot for her; and she said a bad word about that. And then she tasted the porridge of the Middle Bear, and that was too cold for her; and she said a bad word about that too. And then she went to the porridge of the Little, Small, Wee Bear, and tasted that; and that was neither too hot, nor too cold, but just right; and she liked it so well, that she ate it all up: but the naughty little girl said a bad word about the little porridge-pot, because it did not hold enough for her.


agatha

Agatha: "How come they didn't make a porridge-making engine uncle Barry? Then they could all have porridge that was just perfect!"


Then the little little girl sate down in the chair of the Great, Huge Bear, and that was too hard for her. And then she sate down in the chair of the Middle Bear, and that was too soft for her. And then she sate down in the chair of the Little, Small, Wee Bear, and that was neither too hard, nor too soft, but just right. So she seated herself in it, and there she sate till the bottom of the chair came out, and down she came, plump upon the ground. And the naughty little girl said a wicked word about that too.

gil

Gil: "Was the house with the chairs some kind of a test? Because I don't think she is passing it."

Then the little little girl went upstairs into the bed-chamber in which the three Bears slept. And first she lay down upon the bed of the Great, Huge Bear; but that was too high at the head for her. And next she lay down upon the bed of the Middle Bear; and that was too high at the foot for her. And then she lay down upon the bed of the Little, Small, Wee Bear; and that was neither too high at the head, nor at the foot, but just right. So she covered herself up comfortably, and lay there till she fell fast asleep.

By this time the Three Bears thought their porridge would be cool enough; so they came home to breakfast. Now the little little girl had left the spoon of the Great, Huge Bear, standing in his porridge.

"Somebody has been at my porridge!"

said the Great, Huge Bear, in his great, rough, gruff voice. And when the Middle Bear looked at his, he saw that the spoon was standing in it too. They were wooden spoons; if they had been silver ones, the naughty little girl would have put them in her pocket.

"Somebody has been at my porridge!"

said the Middle Bear in his middle voice.

Then the Little, Small, Wee Bear looked at his, and there was the spoon in the porridge-pot, but the porridge was all gone.

"Somebody has been at my porridge, and has eaten it all up!"

said the Little, Small, Wee Bear, in his little, small, wee voice.


vi

Violetta: "That Goldilocks sure isn't any kind of a smoke knight! A smoke night would never nave left clues like that. When is the part where she poisons the porridge?"

Upon this the Three Bears, seeing that some one had entered their house, and eaten up the Little, Small, Wee Bear's breakfast, began to look about them. Now the little little girl had not put the hard cushion straight when she rose from the chair of the Great, Huge Bear.

"Somebody has been sitting in my chair!"

said the Great, Huge Bear, in his great, rough, gruff voice.

And the little little girl had squatted down the soft cushion of the Middle Bear.

"Somebody has been sitting in my chair!"

said the Middle Bear, in his middle voice.

And you know what the little little girl had done to the third chair.

"Somebody has been sitting in my chair and has sate the bottom out of it!"

said the Little, Small, Wee Bear, in his little, small, wee voice.

Then the Three Bears thought it necessary that they should make farther search; so they went upstairs into their bedchamber. Now the little little girl had pulled the pillow of the Great, Huge Bear, out of its place.

"Somebody has been lying in my bed!"

said the Great, Huge Bear, in his great, rough, gruff voice.

And the little little girl had pulled the bolster of the Middle Bear out of its place.

"Somebody has been lying in my bed!"

said the Middle Bear, in his middle voice.

And when the Little, Small, Wee Bear came to look at his bed, there was the bolster in its place; and the pillow in its place upon the bolster; and upon the pillow was the little little girl's ugly, dirty head,—which was not in its place, for she had no business there.

"Somebody has been lying in my bed,—and here she is!"

said the Little, Small, Wee Bear, in his little, small, wee voice.


moloch

Moloch: "I'm scared of talking bears, daddy!" "There aren't any talking bears, stupid" "shut up, Omar! Maybe there weren't yesterday, but what if a nearby spark is building some right now?!"

The little little girl had heard in her sleep the great, rough, gruff voice of the Great, Huge Bear; but she was so fast asleep that it was no more to her than the roaring of wind, or the rumbling of thunder. And she had heard the middle voice, of the Middle Bear, but it was only as if she had heard some one speaking in a dream. But when she heard the little, small, wee voice of the Little, Small, Wee Bear, it was so sharp, and so shrill, that it awakened her at once. Up she started; and when she saw the Three Bears on one side of the bed, she tumbled herself out at the other, and ran to the window. Now the window was open, because the Bears, like good, tidy Bears, as they were, always opened their bedchamber window when they got up in the morning. Out the little little girl jumped; and whether she broke her neck in the fall; or ran into the wood and was lost there; or found her way out of the wood, and was taken up by the constable and sent to the House of Correction for a vagrant as she was, I cannot tell. But the Three Bears never saw anything more of her.

bill

Barry: "I hope that naughty little girl was killed!"
Bill: "Maybe she just had bad parents. I bet she could be nice if she had a chance."

can haz tentacles

Why, you ask?  Do they really need a reason?

the friends and family plan

I keep a low profile on the net so my journal is flocked. I'm not unfriendly, just not into exposing myself to the wide open spaces.

I've been hiding under a rock for the last ten years or so and am just getting reconnected with folks. Do I know you? Do you know me? I'm slowly connecting screen names to people. If you remind me who you are I'll be very happy. Friends of friends who I haven't met yet are more than welcome to friend me by way of saying hi.

Hi

I'm starting to move into Ravelry, put up some pics of my most recent finished projects and WIPs actively growing, and more recent stash aquisitions. Wheee!

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